Coping When You Have a Job (Like Caregiving) That Causes You to Feel Less Than You

By Denise Brown     caregiving.com
At some point in our lives, we’ll have jobs that we take that are less than what we can do. We take them out of economic need or because of convenience or simply because it’s what we can find. We complete menial tasks or report to insensitive and overbearing managers or sit near uncooperative co-workers.
Sounds kinda like caregiving, doesn’t it?
So, when caregiving feels like it’s less than you and you put up with more than you manage, keep these tips in minds:
1. Smile. Sounds silly but it works. I’ve had many menial jobs to keep my business afloat. And, honestly, if I smiled—when someone asked me to make copies or to answer their phone or bring them coffee—I felt so much better about what I did. I learned it wasn’t necessarily what I did, but how I did it. And, it’s good for you: Research says smiling can promote overall good health.
2. Assert yourself. When you feel less than yourself, you accept less than what you deserve. Your needs are as important as everyone else’s. Stand your ground if someone dismisses or minimizes your needs. Say: “I’m happy to ensure you have what you need. What I need deserves my attention, too. How can we work together so we both have what we need?”

3. Let go. Oh, if I focused on the unfairness, then more and more unfairness settled in my cube. In my last job, I had a co-worker who spent between four and six hours a day on personal phone calls. I did her work, but collected half her salary. My boss loved her, touting her skills and qualities in our staff meetings and to the higher-ups. It was awful. (I think I need to follow my advice here and let go.) We do what we have to do. If I looked at the difficulties as a bridge to a better tomorrow (working for myself), then I felt much better. The days are short, but the years are long, as the saying goes. Let go. You’ll feel much better about these days in five years.
4. Grab opportunities. Even the smallest tasks and projects can offer opportunities that can help you gain a better tomorrow. For instance, Marilyn, who cared for her mom and volunteered to help me with our online support groups, used her volunteer work here to help her find a job after her mom died. And, she used me as a reference. When someone offers you a way to be outside of caregiving or be different in caregiving, grab it. (You can listen to my May 2008 interview with Marilyn on Your Caregiving Journey here.)
5. Vent. Talk it out. Join a support group, like the ones we have here. Write it out in a journal. Get it out in a walk. And, after venting, if you need a hug, listen to one of our Caregiving Comforts. Or, read a comfort in “Take Comfort, Reflections of Hope for Caregivers,” a little book with a big heart. It’s on sale this month; use coupon code AUTUMN for a 10% discount at check-out.
6. Look up. I could stand a job if I had a nice outfit to wear. Or, a friend to meet for lunch. What can you look forward to? Maybe it’s a TV show, a book, a DVD. Maybe it’s a phone call to a special friend at night. Maybe it’s connecting with others here or joining us for our conference/retreat in November. Whatever keeps you looking up, keep it.

7. Learn. Challenge yourself with community and online courses. Take classes that have nothing or everything to do with caregiving. We offer free monthly webinars as well as four-week courses. Check out our free May webinar, “Spring Me! I’m Tired of Feeling Like Crap.” And, consider taking our self-study course, “Setting My Limits,” which teaches you perspectives, techniques and tools while challenging you to grow because of your limits.

8. Delegate. Share the pain. Or, hire help to take it. Doing it all leads to a heart of resentment. Assigning tasks to others can mean a heart of gratitude.

9. Look for inspiration from others who overcame. Watch Biography channel, read an autobiography, listen to our talk shows. Use the inspiration to feel good about tomorrow rather than stewing over yesterday.

10. Belief. We talk about this regularly—belief in your abilities, in your talents, in your future. And, when you struggle to understand exactly what you’re believing, remember your future. It takes you out of the daily struggle and into the possibilities of an amazing future.