Who are you?
You have a growing concern that, in the near future, your aging relative will need more and more of your assistance and time. You’re concerned because of your relative’s age, past and present medical condition, and current living condition.
Your keyword: Ask
–Ask questions of your care recipient.
–Ask questions of health care professionals.
–Ask questions of lawyers and financial planners.
–Ask questions of your family members who may be involved in the caregiving role.
Your Purpose:
You expect to become a caregiver; this is your time to prepare. You should research options, gather information, and provide the opportunity for your care recipient to share his or her feelings and values. This is also your time to concentrate on taking care of yourself–keeping up with family and friends, enjoying your hobbies and interests, pursing your career goals, taking trips you’ve always dreamed of.
Although an immediate crisis may not face you, the threat of one seems to hang in the horizon. Rather than closing your eyes to avoid seeing that horizon, you can take some proactive steps now that will make your future caregiving days easier.
As an “expectant caregiver”, what can you do?
1. Consult with a good lawyer familiar with eldercare issues.
Find out about durable powers of attorney for health care and living wills; start the process to ensure that the necessary legal papers are in order.
2. Determine financial situations.
Knowing the financial status can help determine future health care choices. Determine monthly income from pensions and social security; learn about annuities, stock investments and bank accounts.
A Quick Tip: You may find yourself “taking away” from your aging relative–the keys to the car, the solo trip to the grocery store, her hosting the large family get-togethers. To balance the scales, try to replace what you take away. The exchange may not be equal (and in most situations, it won’t be), but giving back some of what you take away will help your care recipient maintain her dignity and independence. For instance, you feel that it’s just too much for your mother to continue hosting Thanksgiving dinner every year. Your mother reluctantly relents to having the celebration at your house. As you plan for the day, try to incorporate some of your mother’s traditions in the celebration: her favorite recipes, her special dishes, her most honored prayer. While your mother may miss hosting the tradition at her home, she’ll feel that some of her house is at yours. |
What home health care agencies in your area offer quality, affordable home care? What housing options are available: retirement communities, assisted living centers? Contact community organizations to request brochures and pamphlets.
In addition, consider your aging relative’s current living condition. Will your aging relative be able to reside safely in her home if she uses a wheelchair, becomes bedbound? What changes can you make today that will prevent future barriers to providing care in her home? Or, are the necessary changes almost an impossibility? If so, what other options do you have: your home, an assisted living facility, a retirement community?
And, if you are working (or your spouse is), check with your employer about Work/Life benefits and an Employee Assistance Program. These benefits will be useful to you as you look for help and as you struggle with your own emotional well-being.
You can search for providers here: SeniorClix.org.
4. Begin discussions with your aging relative about his or her wishes.
Asking questions now about your relative’s care preferences will help you provide the care your relative wants. Where does your relative want to die? At home? At a care facility? What type of funeral would your relative want? Does your relative have a preference as to whom in the family provides care? How does your relative feel about end-of-life care decisions?
Although you may not be able to meet all your relative’s wishes, you can begin to plan now to meet at least the most important.
5. Determine the current health care providers.
Who are the physicians, what is the diagnosis? In addition, learn about medications and why the medications have been prescribed.
6. Concentrate on the reality of the situations.
Keep a realistic view of their situations: What’s the worst that could happen? What’s the best possible outcome? Then, determine what options are available for each of these outcomes.
7. Start a journal; chronicle your feelings, your concerns and your actions.
You may be surprised at your feelings of loss. Your preparation of the future allows you to see what your care recipient–and you–might lose. You both will experience changes in your relationship, your schedules, your amount of freedom. Write down your thoughts about the potential losses–and how you might be able to hang on to them, through minor adjustments and changes, for a little longer.
8. Organize forms and documents that you’ll need in the future.
You can find free forms to download to help you get started here: SeniorClix.org.
http://www.caregiving.com/the-caregiving-years/stage-1-the-expectant-caregiver/
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